Oh, what’s this, a reflective post on the last day of 2015? Cliche yes, but who cares? Why are there people who have to go oh “its just another year” who really cares if some people find it symbolic? Let them be them and you be you.
Talking of which, 2015 was truly the year I fell in love with myself. Yup, full on selfish, love me me me me meeee.
And it’s taken time, its taken years of self loathing, years of not understanding why people would fall out with me over what I felt was something completely unjustified, years of looking in the mirror and detesting what looked back, but a penny dropped this year and I don’t care about that, I care that I love myself and that’s all that matters.
I love that I’m opinionated and stubborn, that I’ll steadfastly defend those I love and speak up when I think somethings wrong, does it work in my favour? More often not, but my conscious feels clean.
I love that I’m passionate and intense, I truly find myself quite funny, I know I’m relatively smart and I impress myself with my work ethic.
I like my height, I like that regardless of my weight I always have a waist, I like my eyes and I’ve come to terms with my paleness, my freckles and my nose, all things I’d have traded for without a thought before. And nope I’m not happy with my weight, but I’m making slow progress on that and you know what it doesn’t stop me being a good person.
Yes I have plenty of bad points, I’m bossy and loud, at times a a little eccentric, I worry continually and gin occasionally doesn’t suit me, but that’s all still me.
I watched a scene on a TV show that makes me bawl every time I see it (below, starts at the right place) – seriously watch it.
To sum it up though it says would you tell all the shit things you think about yourself to the ten year old version of yourself?
And would I do that, would I share all that self hatred with that little girl? No I wouldn’t.
So its taken 26 years and its taken the love of my family, my mother especially, its taken getting friends who truly love me regardless of whether I’m being great or a bit of a pleb but I can finally say I do love myself and I plan on continuing doing so.