…before anyone else will love you” tripe.
I can’t put into words (despite the fact I’m trying to now) how horrible that sentiment is. What you’re teaching people is their self doubts don’t matter. Perhaps they have crippling insecurities or mental illnesses or a plethora of other reasons they don’t feel great about themselves and then what you’re saying is on top of that no one is going to love you.
All those negative things you think about yourself, obviously the world is thinking them too so now you’re so damned unloveable.
I go through phases from thinking I am so freaking damned awesome to thinking I’m rotten, that I’m ugly and stupid and make bad decisions – the things that get me out of those paths of thoughts are the people that love me.
The people that listen to my self doubts and tell me when I’m wrong, the friends who listen to my rants and my concerns, the boyfriend who treats me like I’m so special when I’m at the worst I can be, wracked with doubt and disbelief that anyone could like me, never mind love me.
I get the sentiment is meant to be empowering, it’s meant to say love yourself truly so that someone else can too, it’s meant to focus on the former rather than the latter. But when I’m feeling the worst I can, the last thing I need to be told is if you carry on thinking like this no one will love you.
Instead maybe focus on the idea of reaching out to those who need love, those who need support, and helping them love themselves rather than saying well I can’t love you until you love you.
And I say for that for the other version of the saying ‘You can’t love others until you love yourself’ Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I love people with all my heart, for everything they are, even when I’m down and hating on myself I love them more, I love them for sticking by me.