So I started this 2 years ago, found it truly cathartic, so here I am doing it again. To summarise I think as humans we spend so long focusing on all the things we do wrong, on looking forward to what we can do better, how we will be better, that we sometimes forget to applaud the things we’ve done, big or small. Successes count – so as it’s beginning of December here’s the 10 things I’m applauding myself for doing this past year!
- Making big decisions
This happened a few times during the year, do I/don’t I, over jobs, over relationships with people, on how I talk to people or who I don’t, how I choose to spend my time etc… on who I should forgive so I can move on, you know the sort, the decisions that sit in your subconscious like a wet soggy box laden with affects that will come after The Decision is made. Some of those decisions I regret, but I still made them, it’s always hard when life presents you with more than one option ‘what if the other is better?’ but you have to go with something and live with the consequences, and then decide where to go next.
- Solved a tonne of escape rooms
By tonne I mean about 15, but I really enjoy them, I enjoy how you have to think outside the box, on how you find what your skills are (problem solving – me, patience – not me) and working with your friends in a new way, proud that we’re yet to lose one!
- Said yes to more things I wanted to do
Usually I’m a bit scared of spending my money, or looking stupid to other people which is a ridiculous concern to have, but I have it anyway. I don’t want people to think I’m a crazy fan girl or I’m made of money. But I wanted to see Eminem so just like that we put the money down, I dreamed of going to New Orleans, so we went. I waited outside Birmingham arena and like that I got to meet Ed Sheeran, and with my best friend which was one of those ridiculous dreams we had, and it happened anyway, because we said yes, yes to daring to look silly, yes to getting our hopes up and it worked!
- Working with Natalie Dormer
So this one was a little outside of my control, given I didn’t choose it but someone else put me in that position. I’ve crewed at Showmasters for a long time and always felt I did a good job, but due to sometimes unjustified drama surrounding me, whenever I did a good job it seemed to often be shrouded in that – but this time it appeared my work hadn’t gone unnoticed. I had the opportunity to work with Natalie Dormer for an entire day, I’ve been a fan since I was a teenager so this was a genuine dream come true and I’ll always be grateful for it happening and proud I was put in that situation
- 100kg Deadlift
So I haven’t been to the gym in ages, surprise SURPRISE, me, the eternal weightloss, gym going yo-yoer. However, this was a target I had for a while and one when I achieved it not once but twice I was utterly overwhelmed. It demonstrated that the hard work had paid off. I still have a fat ass and all that, but I know I can do it.
- LA Work campaign
This was the biggest deal I’d ever worked on whilst I was at Maker, it was worth well over a million dollars and whilst I was excited to go to LA I was also terrified of messing it up, but I didn’t. Despite a number of things going wrong I managed to fix them, the client and talent were both happy with my work and it left me feeling super proud.
- Sam’s birthday
So this may be a weird thing to seem proud of, but I am, I feel like I ensured he had a really amazing day and picked presents that matched his personality (I actually did 30 presents as it was his 30th birthday) I managed to keep the actual day a surprise which was a surprise in itself given I’d managed to spoil his biggest present (a trip to Portugal!)
- 2 year anniversary
Another boyfriend thing 😮 but I’ve always been in rubbishy relationships from toxic to boring and just staying in them for the sake of it, but when I started this relationship I decided honesty and no games would happen from the start. For the first time ever I celebrated being with someone for 2 years and still being in an active, loving relationship – and sometimes that is hard work. I am naturally a stubborn, argumentative, worrying, anxious person and I have to control those things on my half to be a good partner.
- Confronted friends
This might sound a bit angrier that I intend it to, but as Dumbledore once said going against your mates is sometimes harder than someone you don’t like (he said it much wiser obviously, but it’s the general gist) I’ve done this because I respect those people and feel they warrant my respect to speak to them and not just about them. It hasn’t always worked out, but it takes a lot of personal guts each time I’ve done it and I’m proud of that.
- My mental health
It’s 2017 and everyone seems to have some mental health problem or another, self diagnosis is running rife and no one really knows what’s going on. A year or so ago a doctor said I had ‘situational anxiety’ when I can’t control a situation I panic, I had 2 panic attacks this year, for the first time in my life. I always thought maybe people were a bit ott about them, but now I’ve had them I realise they were not. However I refuse to be labelled as an anxious person, I see mental health the same as physical, ever changing with degrees of suffering. Sometimes you might have a cut on your finger and sometimes you might have a bad brain day, a bit of healing and you’re fine, but sometimes, like cancer can riddle the body you might have something more serious like depression or bi-polar and they’re harder to understand and live through. I’ve always insisted I AM FINE. I have nothing to complain about, I’m young, fairly successful and have happy relationships, but like you can’t control that cut on your finger, you sometimes can’t control that pain in your brain (POETRY TIME) and I’m realising that. I’m not weak because I have “bad days” and I’m not a failure because of it, I will not let myself be a product of a label either. I am proud for realising that this year.
- And as a bonus one because the last one was pretty heavy, like last year I dressed like shops, I’ve now moved onto airlines.
And lastly, because I feel like the people I love need to realise how amazing they are, I tag the bloggers I know, Kirsty and Sarah Lou to have a go at doing this (in any capacity you like, your blog or social media) and anyone else who might read this, pick one thing, pick ten, pick one hundred. Give yourself a round of applause rather than another list to try and beat yourself up over.